Jim and Rob -Taking Care of Babies
Jim: So, did you get him down all right?
Rob: Yeah, heís sleeping, but that could change any moment. No, my wife does take care of him. But, uh, I think what it is, is that I feel so worn out from those times that I am taking care of him, so that when sheís around and sheís not taking care of him, I feel like she doesnít ever take care of him. So, even if sheís taking care of him half the time, it feels like such a burden to me.
Jim: Yeah, cuz youíre like with him forever.
Rob: Yeah, a long freaking time. So, you see, itís like I take care of him all day long when sheís at work. And then when she gets home, of course, she canít take him immediately. And heaven forbid she has to pump her breasts, well thereís another hour where she canít take care of him. So, I dump him off, and some women might think, ďOh, well you donít love your son.Ē No, no, no, no. Thatís not it. I have had my son up my ass, you see! Iíve had my son, and then some.
Jim: People that live for their kids canít understand that.
Rob: Yeah, because thatís like their whole world. And thatís just not my biggest priority in life.
Jim: Itís not that you donít love him. You can only take so much,
Rob: Well, yeah. I compare it to candy. At some point you donít want to eat any more fucking candy! ďNo, I have to eat another pound of that shit! No, donít make me eat it!Ē (whining) Whereas, earlier in the day you just couldnít wait to get the candy, and when you first started eating it, it was pure joy. And then itís like (whining) ďno, I donít want to eat anymore.Ē
Jim: Exactly. Or anything else you love.
Rob: I tell this to people, and they invariably interpret it the wrong way. I say that heís cutest in the morning, and he gets less cute as the day goes by. And they think Iím talking about him getting tired and fussy. But no, itís my perception of him as Iím getting worn out through the day. I think heís cute in the morning, but by the end of the day it just feels like Iím taking care of this high maintenance little lump of flesh. But this is not entirely true. There will be these moments where heíll be interrupting something I want to do, and Iíll be kinda pissed off, and Iíll take him into the other room to change his diaper, and I take the diaper off, and he starts to smile, because he knows the diaper is coming off, and he starts to smile, because he doesnít like the diaper, and he knows the diaper coming off is a good thing. And itís disarming, you know what I mean? You see him, and youíre like, ďoooohhhh, how cute. :) How can I be mad at you? Especially right now since your smiling... and not crying, thank God.Ē So, itís like a double thing. Heís not crying, which is an automatic perk, and heís actually smiling on top of it, which means heís cute. Even better. He has become more of a person, though. And heís started to figure things out. Heís associated the changing table with good things. So, heíll cry in the other room, and youíll figure out he needs a diaper change, so you take him in there and he usually complete tones down once he hits the table because he knows everything is going to be OK. So, Iím going to drop him off at your house, , and you take care of him for the next week, OK?
Jim: Mmmm, yeah, rightÖ
Rob: Hehe. This is your guarantee: ďHeíll be alive by the end of the week, although I canít guarantee you his psychological state of mind.Ē BOTH LAUGH
Rob: (Speaking for Jim) ďWell, I know he needs to be fed every 3 hours, so how about every 6 instead? So, heís not going to starve to death, but heís not going to eat on his timetable.Ē And then thereís the diaper changing thing. This is one I considered, too. You put him in the other room, you close the door, and then you crank up the TV. And then whatever happens in the other room, you know, is none of your business, right? But I donít do that, because he hasnít qualified for that. There are times to do that to a baby, and thatís the baby whoís crying for no apparent reason, and wonít stop, even after youíre sure that heís had all his needs met. I mean, you know heís not sick, you know heís not hungry, you know he doesnít need a diaper change, he's had tons of one-on-one affection and being held, but he wonít stop f*ckín crying. I'm not saying to dump a baby that has normal needs, like affection. I think it really relies on the parent's ability to endure the stress. You know immediately that a baby is going to be burdensome. But parents need to sleep, and they can get pretty unstable around a truly demanding baby. And then you put them in the other room and let them cry, until they cry so long that, like, ďMan, maybe thereís something seriously wrong with this baby?!Ē I mean, if the baby cries for, like, an hour straight, you might want to take him to the doctor, because thatís kinda bizarre. Babies donít want to cry that long. Iíve heard that theyíll usually cry themselves out after a period of time, and often go to sleep because itís so strenuous, which I can understand. And boy, theyíre really hardcore about crying, ya know? If we cry as adults, itís not like them. But you get them at a 10, itís like their whole body is shaking. Ahhh, ahhh! And then you think, ďThank God Iím not in the other room with them right now.Ē But, heís pretty cute. Iím just not the ideal caregiver. I may have been when I was younger but now Iím more guy-like, I guess, in a way. I mean, there are other things I want to do.